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What is it like to date a feminist? - Reflections after reading "She Hates Men, She is My Girlfriend"


It is rare to come across a feminist book written from a male perspective, which is very authentic and almost monitors the daily lives of oneself and one's girlfriend. Taking this opportunity to record and summarize the experience of dating a feminist and the stages of the relationship over the past few years, it will serve as a reference for the future - it turns out this is what I thought at that time.

She Hates Men, She is My Girlfriend (Douban)
Author: Min Ji-hyeong (Korean)
Publisher: China Friendship Publishing Company
Producer: Motie·Wenzhi Books
Original Title: 나의 미친 페미니스트 여자친구
Translator: Huang Guanting
Publication Year: 2023-5-30
ISBN: 9787505755963

Daily Life#

Like the female protagonist in the book, she is independent and strong in her daily life. I can help her, but it is not necessary most of the time. She can solve many problems on her own, and over time, I am even willing to let her take on many tasks that "should have" been done by me, such as finding directions when going out or repairing computers.

Of course, she can handle these things independently and even do them well, but it doesn't mean that I should just sit back and do nothing, waiting to be served. By taking the initiative to handle some things, it means she can have an easier time. She loves me, so she will help me take on some tasks that "should have" been done by me, and I love her, so I will do more of what I can do, such as regularly preparing tissues for her and accompanying her in choosing jewelry. This is a two-way thing, and through our mutual efforts, we gain self-identity and trust.

She is very independent, but it doesn't conflict with her vulnerability. Most people have a vulnerable side, and she does too. When faced with excessive pressure, she may break down and when she is sad, she also needs comfort. When she is tired, I will hold her, feed her snacks, and tell jokes that only she would laugh at, which always works. Conversely, when I am tired, she will also recharge me in a similar way. Look, another two-way thing.

Clash of Ideas#

Like the female protagonist in the book, facing a boyfriend who doesn't quite understand "feminism," she explains many truths to me and shares a lot of content. Most of them I feel are reasonable and quickly reach a consensus, such as how raising and educating children is painful and tiring, and she doesn't want to have children, and if I were a woman, I wouldn't want to either. A small part may spark discussions, such as marriage being a form of oppression, and she doesn't want to get married, but I believe it is a continuation of a relationship and a binding of interests, and I want to get married. But it's okay, we seek common ground while reserving differences and discuss it repeatedly.

In these clashes, I think I have also become a feminist. To be honest, I don't really understand what "feminism" means, but I vaguely know that treating women equally, not taking pride in being a man, and not considering the other person being a woman as an insult, is basically being a feminist. I think this is just treating everyone equally, and by extension, treating every matter and everything equally.

The male protagonist in the book, as well as some female supporting characters, to some extent, have also accepted feminist ideas. I believe this is something that should be taken for granted. If you bump into someone or even hurt someone in complete darkness, there is really no way to avoid it. But when you can see the world clearly, you will naturally interact with the world in a better way, avoiding the dangers that come your way and avoiding trampling on newly sprouted tender shoots.

Feminism is a Way of Life, Not Just Talk#

Practice it in life, fight for rights, organize activities to awaken more people, rather than just being an armchair warrior. It is similar to other ideologies.

Thoughts are Gradually Perfected, and the World is Complex and Ever-Changing#

Under different circumstances and conditions, certain behaviors may be right, but if you change a variable slightly, it may not be. Accept the complexity of the world, make the right choices based on your current situation, and that's all.

To be continued#

Writing late at night, my brain isn't functioning well, so I will continue later when I have time.
Posting this draft first

  • So that I won't "not send it until I am satisfied with it"
  • To recommend this book to male friends as soon as possible, to understand what real "feminists" are like and how to get along with them.
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