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王白水

白水房

志闲少欲,心安不惧 泛中医论坛https://forum.beginner.center/
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xiaoyuzhou

Two requirements for A017 chat

Before the main text, let me say something else. I know that my mom will see every piece of content I write. One of the main reasons I write articles is to give my mom a chance to understand me, because we don't have a good habit of communicating offline, and she always talks more than I do, so over time, my mom doesn't know much about me.

But some channels are narrow, while others are still wide open, such as writing. Mom, I know you haven't been feeling well lately, and when you see this, I want you to know that I love you.

Main Text#

Today's content is about low emotional intelligence, because there don't seem to be many people with such low emotional intelligence like me. If readers feel that they have already solved this problem well, they don't need to read further - can you tell whether the other person needs emotions or rationality when chatting with them?

Personally, I feel that this problem is not easy to solve, because it is difficult enough just to distinguish between the two (for me), and the conversation can still change 😂

Let me give a specific example. We often feel anxious before exams. In the two or three days leading up to the exam, we may feel irritable, frustrated, fearful, and other negative emotions. During this time, chatting with others can easily lead to conflicts. Next, I will compare the reactions of people who can distinguish and those who cannot in the same scenario.

The day after tomorrow is the exam, and my girlfriend is very anxious. She says to me, "The exam is coming soon, and I still don't know anything. What should I do?" My first reaction would be, "Wow, the exam is in two days, and you're just starting to review now? Can you really pass?" But of course, I can't say that. Saying it out loud would only discourage her. Although my emotional intelligence is low, I still have this level of cultivation. I would tell her not to worry, let's quickly make a study plan. Isn't your roommate a top student? Ask them for some study materials. I'll study with you. If you can't find any study materials, I'll help you look for them. In short, the main focus is on solving the problem, and I would come up with all the possible solutions I can think of. But what's the result? My girlfriend is still anxious, still feeling down, and even starts browsing Xiaohongshu (a social media platform). I really wish I could make her change, and I question her, how can she still be playing when she has an exam coming up? And then, well, gg.

Next, let's switch roles. I say to my girlfriend, "The exam is coming soon, and I still don't know anything. What should I do?" My girlfriend takes me out of the classroom for a walk and chats with me along the way.
She asks, "How do you feel right now?"
I say, "Very anxious."
She asks again, "Anything else?"
I think for a moment and say, "A bit fearful, worried about failing the exam."
She asks again, "Anything else?"
I think again and say, "Also regretful, why didn't I start reviewing earlier instead of playing games?"
She continues to ask, "Anything else?"
I can't think of anything else and say, "That's probably it."

At this point, I feel much calmer, and then I know what to do. After all, who doesn't know that you need to review before an exam? After so many years of taking exams, who doesn't know how to review? Identify the key points and go through them one by one. Then my girlfriend encourages me, and I regain my confidence, passionately studying for two days and barely passing 🤣

Do you notice the difference? My girlfriend recognizes my emotional needs in a timely manner and helps me adjust my emotions accordingly. When I return to a stable state, I can take independent action without needing her support.

To achieve this, the first step is to identify the other person's needs - do they need a solution to a problem? Do they need emotional adjustment? Such as comfort or encouragement.

How to identify the two? I personally have summarized a simple method: if providing solutions leads to more problems, then it is the latter. When someone truly needs a solution, the conversation becomes more passionate (such as discussing how to develop a business project). With more experience in identification, you can gradually summarize patterns. For example, when someone's state is abnormal before an exam, it often indicates a need for emotional support rather than a solution. At this time, you can solve the pain point like my girlfriend did.

Finally#

I wish everyone can learn to identify the needs of others and learn to identify their own needs. Through practicing with multiple cases, we can gradually improve our emotional intelligence.

Thanks to my girlfriend for not despising me for being slow-minded.

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